Sleepless Nights give me time to Think

Summary

Sleepless Nights Give Me Time to Think explores loneliness, reflection, and the search for meaning—poetic meditations on love and solitude at luciditybooks.

Sleepless nights give me time to think. And what am I thinking about? I wonder if it’s better to be alone and lonely. Or is it better to be with someone who makes every moment challenging?

There is no rest in loneliness and there is no rest living under the weight of an avalanche. So, which is better to endure during these fleeting moments that we have as an oxygen breather?

My wish is to fill my void with a warm and subtle feeling. But, my life experiences tell me to avoid conflicts. They also suggest me to avoid confrontations. To add to this, I have an annoying propensity for saying and doing the wrong thing. This often happens when I am feeling good about myself.

Considering my shortcomings, should I accept being alone and lonely for a certain period? This period is a breathing space for me to evaluate and then correct my behavior.

Every little ache, pain, and noise is magnified because I have no one to avert my attention away from myself. Sometimes I feel like crying. Nevertheless, I know that is only feeling sorry for myself. I refuse to allow myself to do that.

With age comes stupidity not wisdom as the number of active neurons in the brain diminishes. Be that as it is, I wonder if it’s possible for a person to die of loneliness? Or is loneliness an animated form of death?

The prospect of being around people causes me to feel like crying on the way to work. The fact that I will be alone causes me to feel like crying on the way home.

I have encountered someone who made me feel very relaxed and at ease only once in my life. That meeting lasted less than forty minutes. The impact and the memory of those forty minutes are profound even now.

Sleepless days compliments sleepless nights and the buzzing sound in my head is constant both night and day. I hear laughter. I hear arguments. I weigh them both on the scale of my loneliness. I search for a point of equilibrium between them. This is a point I can approach.

I used the degree of my loneliness as a measure. It was to decide the most effective way to handle my being alone and lonely. I have concluded that I have not reached a conclusion.

I have been alone for a very long time. It is possible that I have lost my ability to behave properly in any type of relationship. That is a disheartening thought but a thought that is possible given my past relational experiences. Maybe I am making too much of it. I am giving loneliness more influence and power over my cognitive discord than it deserves.

There is rest in not having to adjust your life in order not to offend the whims of someone else. There is peace when you can manufacture a lover out of your brain matter. This lover will never disappoint you. You will never disappoint them.

In my opinion, it is better to be alone and lonely. Being in a relationship that is constantly on the verge of turmoil is worse. It is also worse to be in a relationship that is consistently in turmoil.

I have experienced the bottom side of the bottoms up. I lived with someone who kept me in a persistent state of anxiety.

A relationship is not worth the disquiet. Yet, it is fulfilling if you are with the right person.

So, there it is. My thinking has produced an unresolved question. My sleepless night will transition into a sleepless daylight.