Considering the things that I have said and done, the cosmic forces have been exceptionally merciful to me. I tell myself this when I am in a disposition to feel sorry for myself. Complete oblivion should have been my sentence long ago, but ALL-Mother has shown favor towards me.
I have not done well for myself with the technique of decision making. I have hurt people when I have had no intention of doing so. I have made a fool of myself without provocation. Of course, this sounds like feeling sorry for myself, and in a way, it is.
Some people make themselves feel better by saying something like, “It could be worst.” Which it can, but it can also be better. It does not give me a certain amount of relief by reminding myself that the worst could be even ghastlier. I find no comfort in the fact that someone else is hurting more than me.
I wish that we all be young, beautiful, healthy, and happy. I have decided that being alone is my best avenue of performance for other person’s sake, whoever that other person may be. I do not enjoy being alone, but that is the perfect place for me, given my inclination to generously say and do the wrong things.
Considering the things that I have said and done, my abode should be on the extreme another side of nowhere. There I can languish in myself until death comes if death wants me. I can only hope that the people I offended have not allowed it to produce a dimension of negativity in their thinking and life.
In an unrelated matter, I keep getting reminders to vote. The last time I voted is a silent source of shame for me now when I think of it. My voting days are over. It does not matter anyway, as it is just an illusion to keep the peasants appeased.
My feet hurt, but that’s ok because it could be worse, and it could be much better. I get nervous when I have to be around people because now that I have grown old and ugly, I do not like the way that I look. I do not like being to myself, but being to myself does not harm anyone else.
What I am saying seems like I am feeling sorry for myself, and I guess I am, but who cares, when I think of blood I cannot eat meat.
